Definitions Change

October 30, 2012ishabelle

I found a picture that’s a few years old. I can’t believe that a few years ago, this picture actually defined me as a person. When I started working professionally in 2004, I already knew how to smoke, but I was never got into the habit. Even during my self-destructing, troubled phase, I never really had the urge to start smoking.

That all changed when I came to Cebu. Somehow, the cold nights I endured in the graveyard shift, the short break hours, the company I kept, all these things greatly influenced me. Before long, I was consuming half a pack in a day. I’m still proud of myself because I never went more than ten sticks in a single day.

You see, I enjoy smoking. I like the fact that it gave me time to think about things I liked, to imagine, to plan stories, to daydream. Whether I was thinking, de-stressing or just passing the time, I liked holding a stick in my hand and puffing until it was time to come back to reality. I always had a pack, a lighter, and some candies in my bag. I also never went out without cologne or hand sanitizer.

That was me then.

It is funny how a person can change. I don’t smoke anymore. I don’t know how I quit. All I know is that a day just came when I realized I haven’t been smoking anymore. There are times when I feel like going back. I even go as far as buying a pack and lighting one stick. However, I just couldn’t do it anymore. As I’ve said in my photoblog, I don’t regret getting into the habit, but I also don’t regret quitting it.

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